About Me

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Turrets and Spires, Near the sea., United Kingdom
An imperfect mother. An unfaithful wife. A career professional. Waiting to feel the stone thrown at her by the one without sin.

Friday, 30 April 2010


Falling, smooth and warm,
Indelible inky thoughts
Ribbon and swathe
Her blank page.

An alphabet
Leaking oily secrets
Slipping and spilling
Into black sticky glass.


Ghost Writer

There is a ghost who writes
for her...when she lets the words fall
Onto the fluttering page.

There is a ghost who plays
for her... when she swoops over the letters
Across the glimmering screen.

There is a ghost who opens her eyes,
Who makes her wonder,
Who makes her try -
to remember
those words
were born.

Late and Later


warm actually,
- the water on your face when you cry.

Letting go.

Slow stream.

Warms the skin.

The skin I am in.

The skin I use as sin
as I brim -


Please -

Bears and Beauty

'He does not feel the same,' she thought.
'He has beautiful women attached to him...an attachment.'

Really beautiful.

'I feel a little silly,' she thought.
'I wonder what he thinks,' she wondered.

Wondered some more.
A silly girl.
Over rated.
Over emotional.


She wonders over the moments and then sees his attachments.
Just there.
Beneath him.
She even sees the dates...

Beautiful eyes in beautiful poses....

'Empty women never did it for me,' he said.

'So curvy women do?' she mused.

They are so blindingly beautiful... she chokes.

She is looking out of her window.
Heavy drapes are drawn.
Hiding. She hides behind the curtain.

Spirals and swirls of confusion smoke into her air

of her

of her.

Naive and still her.

Monday, 26 April 2010


No words at all.
The space is empty.
The mind is empty.

I feel empty.


I need to feel the moment.
The touch.
The silence.

Touch me,


Here, There , Nowhere

'I am here,'she said.

'Are you there?'he said.

'I am here,'she said,'but I don't know if you are there.'

'Are you there ?'she said.

Saturday, 24 April 2010

Once Upon A Time...

There was a young man...who had flitted around the world. He had been hurt, by women...so he flitted and floated by.He discovered sexual diseases and sexual vices as his money rolled in...until the dotcom crash.
He married a young girl; 17. He picked her up in Beijing...she was learning how to be a prostitute and he pitied her, took her in.She fell pregnant..and his Muslim family were rocked and shocked. Yet he had so much money, he was okay...he could lead his life, giving his parents everything they needed.
Unfortunately, she was Mongolian...

beautiful, slim....young...Mongolian.

He married her.

Four children later.
14 Years later.

She has...had a relationship in Hong Kong....had a two year affair in her home town. Aborted her lover's child. Confided in her husband...her love for her lover; her plans for a family with her lover; her feelings about her lover. Run off with her lover and returned...flaunted it...but her herpes has also refused to diminish. Her husband gave her that.

Her husband is going mad.
It is madness.

He is serving her divorce papers soon. She has no idea. He is collecting the evidence and is taking the children to the land of Maple Syrup....without her...

Hopefully he will live happily ever after.
My life seems so much calmer...

His Words

Finally, I had words tonight from Jones.

It makes me feel so good.

And calm.

He has been away...

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

The Question Of Life....

'Is it better to live as a monster or to die as a good man?'

Is it?

Monday, 19 April 2010

Naughty Porn Girl

Last night I watched porn and became naughty.

It was delicious actually and I love it.

Wetness between my thighs as I slink into the marital bed is a little sad, I know...but wonderfully restful.

Easter Eggs Breaking News....

It's been a difficult few days.

Firstly Mr Home Office keeps sendimg messages. I am not interested in the fervour of his attentions. We met. We fucked. We parted and all is done. Yet he still persists.

Secondly, I am au-pairless until at least Friday...this volcano in Iceland is becoming a pain. No flights and she has a ticket for Thursday, but I am not holding my breath! I am supposed to be seeing Peter Kay on Friday too at Liverpool!!!!Need the childcare...

My thoughts have been a little diverted to Mr First Love...currently in the UK...due to aforementioned volcano eruption, his flight to 'M' not available until at least Friday with BA...and his life is utterly bizarre, it will need a new post.

We have talked and chatted but not met and will not meet. That is not the way of things...

Jones is still here...still in my phone, my head, my thoughts. His company has now been acquired by '1984' and Orwellian practices are prevalent. Therefore we cannot send texts about bananas, sandwiches, thighs or orgasms. We cannot verbalise our sexy lust. Big Brother will freeze his Blackberry I think!

Yet I love to receive his words...they are feathers around my head.

And back to the Building tomorrow...and 'The Bitch' has only 14 more weeks...I feel silently delirious, yet pity those who will be under her charge from September.

Saturday, 17 April 2010

Clear Skies

They are beautiful, the clear skies above.
An empty space.
A blank canvas....
Not a plane trail in sight.
Not a sound.
Not a gleaming metal bird...

All is still silent.

We must travel the planet keeping our feet on the ground.

Thursday, 15 April 2010

Silent Satellites

They are silent
Those satellites we use -
Jones and I.
No words must tumble out
across the water
or behind the glass.

...and silent.

And empty.

Where are
Our words

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

When ...

When he listens
When she's there
When he knows she shares

Her body.
When he wonders
When he feels
When the moment rocks slowly
When he reels
Her in.

When he looks at the stone
He has too much sin
To throw what his hand holds within.

Sunday, 11 April 2010

Absolutely Beautiful

She sent Jones a photo last night.

Just a head and shoulders shot,

...in black and white.

No make up.

Just pyjamas and a fresh shower.

He looked at it.

'Absolutely beautiful,' he replied.

She still does not know what to say.

Saturday, 10 April 2010

Sinning and Winning

She is a sinner
not winning

sinning and feeling and wanting.

The darkness falls from the sky
as she sees
some light.
Just some.

She will gather up the shadows in her arms
letting it fall,
slowly through her fingers...

Thursday, 8 April 2010

I Have Time For You

'At this moment, I have all the time in the world for you,' he said.

She smiled.

She reflected upon the sordid deeds of her day.

She melted away into the linguistic purity of that moment.

'No one has ever said that to me...it's beautiful,' she said.

'I want to talk to the mind behind the words,' he said.

She saw him. Just then. She saw him smiling.

Wednesday, 7 April 2010

To feel something..

I would give so much...
I would.
I would.
I would give.
I would.

Please feel.
Just feel
a little.

I need to feel.
and more


Mmmm...yes I wish.
I would 'revirginise,' for him.
To feel him pushing inside my tightness and hearing my murmurs would meet the need.
Of him.
And me.
The need I feel.

I need to feel...

What part is 'that' ?

That is the the look.
That is the touch.
That is the moment I feel your skin.
That is the feeling of warmth.
That is the gentle falling of white cotton sheets
upon my body.
That is the moment I feel your kiss.
That is the pushing deep inside my body.
That is the sharp and slow moment of pleasure.
That is the moment I know I trust.
That is the time you fill me.
That is the time you reach deep within.
That is the moment we touch...and I feel.
That is the moment I have with me always.

Sunday, 4 April 2010

Words On A Page

It's the words you see.
There they were in black and white.
Small print.
Long sentences.

My name and his.
A long boulevard where we sat.
That particular experience
Had been written

His boys watched through the glass.